Mar 28, 1812
Darcy talks to Colonel Fitzwilliam at Rosings
COLONEL
That Miss Bennet is quite the young lady, eh, Darcy?
DARCY
What? Oh, yes. Indeed.
COLONEL
Witty. Intelligent. Stands up to our aunt pretty well, eh?
DARCY
Indeed.
COLONEL
And beautiful. Is this what all Hertfordshire ladies are like, Darcy?
DARCY
I'm afraid not.
COLONEL
Do you think she fancies me, cousin?
DARCY
What?
COLONEL
Do you think she likes me?
DARCY
Why would she fancy you?
COLONEL
Why would she not? I do have a modest army income, more than enough for two. And I understand that her home is entailed away to Mr. Collins of all people. And of course I'm devilishly handsome.
DARCY
Of course.
COLONEL
I wonder if she likes me.
DARCY
Well, no, Richard. I think she might be setting her sights a bit higher.
COLONEL
Higher? Where? Whom?
DARCY
Come now, Richard. You yourself have told me many times that you need to snag someone with a halfway-decent fortune.
COLONEL
I know, but it's not easy finding such a woman. A rich lady who's impressed with my red coat. Miss Bennet, on the other hand, is quite the delightful --
DARCY
Oh, come now. I don't think you're quite her type. She has lots of younger sisters who admire red coats.
COLONEL
And you think Miss Elizabeth is setting her sights higher. At, perhaps, yourself?
DARCY
Well, ...
COLONEL
Of course, she knows that you're to marry Anne. And you and Miss Bennet don't seem to get along very well at all. Always sparring with her, eh? Why is that? She sure shakes you up, Fitzie.
DARCY
Can we change the subject, Richard?
COLONEL
I say, cousin, why don't you stay behind here at Rosings this afternoon and let me pay a call at Hunsford on my own. Eh, Darcy? I think the Collins's are out today visiting around the parish.
DARCY
Miss Maria Lucas likes red coats, cousin.
COLONEL
Eh, for sure. And how old is she? About fifteen? Very funny, Darcy. No, I think Miss Bennet is more my cup of coffee.
DARCY
Actually, cousin, I think Anne quite likes you.
COLONEL
Anne? Anne de Bourgh? Now you're pulling my leg. As if Aunt Catherine would ever have me for a son-in-law. What makes you think Anne likes me? She hardly even speaks to me.
DARCY
Well, maybe if you didn't intimidate her so much --
COLONEL
Me? Intimidate her? The only people I intimidate are those under my command. And even those ...
DARCY
Maybe your military manner carries over into your dealings with Anne. Anne, you should eat more food, get more sun, ...
COLONEL
Well, she makes me nervous.
DARCY
You? Nervous?
COLONEL
The way she looks at me.
DARCY
Maybe that's the look of, well, love, Richard.
COLONEL
Oh, for the love of Blucher! Give me Miss Bennet any day!
DARCY
Forget about Miss Bennet and just try talking to Anne this afternoon. You remember how she blushed when you kissed her that one time on her birthday? I remember that her cheeks went quite red.
COLONEL
We were children. And you kissed her too.
DARCY
Anne is a very charming young lady. Try telling her a joke.
COLONEL
Oh, of course, Darcy. I'm sure she'll like my jokes. You don't even like my jokes.
DARCY
Tell her the one about the lady with the big, ...you know...
Next dialogue: Lady Catherine tries to pin Darcy down
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